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Shedding Toxic Waste from Your Waist by Healing from Toxic Relationships
Are you trying to lose weight? Have you let yourself go and have gone up a few too many dress sizes? Have you tried every fad diet and exercise to no avail?
What You Don't Have To Do...
Could your weight be on your shoulders or a noose around your neck? Well, I have been shedding the same ten pounds for years now and without much success until now.
I began to wonder if maybe it is more than physical... maybe it's etheric or mental or astral weight. Granted, ten pounds is not much in the grand scheme of things but those last ten pounds have become quite an ordeal.
Part of losing this weight is discovering why I want to lose it in the first place. Being clear on the goal of the weight loss is important because much of this has to do with your mind and how your brain thinks about weight.
Our External World Directly Correlates to How We Feel Inside.In order to get rid of those "last ten pounds", we have inner work to do. Inner work is one of many transcending ways to heal. When we do the inner work it reflects in our external world. In other words, our external world directly correlates to how we feel inside.We must detach ourselves and heal from harmful patterns. We exist in a macrocosm and a microcosm environment... the Many and the One.
Today you will discover one of the most important ways to lose those unwanted pounds.
What You Will Gain...
Hint: It won't be more weight
We are taught by our inner (and outer) elders and sages that we must be free flowing within. We must move into a delta state and "be there" the larger percentage of our lives if we are to sustain ourselves in life, in our relationships and through planetary shifts.
Coping skills - now, add myriad toxic exposure to chemicals, EMF, drinking water, food, air, or emotionally in our sometimes-roller-coaster-ride-type relationships. Dramatic earth changes are happening even now and are yet ahead of us. How are we going to cope?
Living a balanced life includesstriving for compassionate hearts and learning forgiveness in life, love and relationships. This includes healing and compassion. Emotional weight loss includes inner healing and release work that will help you shed those pounds.
Toxic Relationships are a key component in weight gain. This is different than "love weight", where couples are comfortable with one another. Toxic relationships can cause anxiety, depression and medical issues because FEAR IS IMMUNE-SUPPRESSIVE. So, let's get healthy!
Let's begin with toxic relationships because within this one topic we can uncover enormous value in understanding projections, masks, triggers and emotional breaking points. And, if we can work through clearing and healing our toxic relationships we will free vast amounts of our energy and move into an inner state of harmony and balance.
First, we need to identify whether you are in a toxic relationship. Toxic relationships take many forms - partners, parents, children, coworkers, bosses, and friends. First you have to recognize that you are in one and realize that the weight gain is due to the stress and anxiety of a toxic relationship. Being balanced and in a state of harmony requires not only cleaning up our eating habits, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, it also includes the relationships we have around us.
- The Skinny: Identifying Toxic Clues, Traits & Projections
- The Projections
- The Four Core Feelings
- Recognizing a Toxic Individual: Masks of All Shapes and Sizes
- The Masks
- Mental Abuse: Secret's Secret Secret
- Mental Abuse Identifers
- The Shame and Blame Game - Shame vs. Guilt
- Mask's Off! Take Back Your Power!
- Real-time Assessment - Our Personal Event Horizon Exercise #1
- Face In The Mirror - Face The Music Exercise #2
- Are We Victims or Volunteers?
- Being My Authentic Self
- Unhealthy Minds Think Alike - Separate the Wheat from the Chaff
- Healing's Next Step
- The Way of the Compassionate Healer
- Healing With Grace - We Are Our Brother's Keeper
- Making It Personal: Eat to Live in Lieu of Live to Eat
The Skinny: Identifying Toxic Clues, Traits & Projections
Answering these simple questions may lead you to identify the toxic relationships you have in your life.
Are you … in a relationship where s/he speaks to you in such a way that you react with either guilt, shame or fear?
Are you...talked to rather than talked with, feeling like a small child in someone's presence, feel very small inside, helpless, or angered when you are away from that person and recreate the episode?
Do you... feel safe and secure around him/her or do you feel worried and anxious?
Do you... feel there is a general balance between the natural give and take between the relationship? Or do you feel you are walking on eggshells and are always the giver?
Do you... find you and your partner go through dramatic periods or episodes of drama and angst or extreme mood swings leaving you feeling worried and stressed?
Toxic relationships are... often caused by an abuse of power, selfishness, narcissism, insecurity, deep-seated fear, distrust, dishonesty, jealousy, demeaningness, holding grudges, controlling.
Healthy relationships are... caring, loving, healing, balancing, calm and uplifting, empowering, considerate, honoring, safe, fun, respectful and secure.
Though sensitive subjects, if we explore them in greater detail, we can begin to take back our power, reclaim our lost selves and release the toxic waste we have accumulated and be free!
Projections can be oftentimes subtle and challenging to detect. Like a detective, let’s begin sniffing out the three most crucial clues that can lead us to that ever-important path back to balance.
Clue #1 Judgment
Judgements and assumptions are used to control or manage you through (sub)conscious manipulation often from their innate fears of inadequacy and lack of self-worth.
We will use “unsolicited advice” as an example: Say you are in a conversation and suddenly you have become the target of someone's unwanted unasked-for advice. You are told you are doing something wrong, you are not good enough, you are on the wrong path, you are behaving irrationally, poorly, or wrongly.
They are using their judgement of you from the outside looking in and assuming you are unaware, not knowing, or blind to yourself. You are being judged by them to be incomplete, inferior, or wrong because they are subconsciously trying to fix you instead of fixing the problem within themselves.
Clue #2 Comparison
You are unwittingly being judged and compared and do not fit into their idea of tribal or social mindset or behavior, because they do not want (or are not ready) to face themselves. Whatever the "advice" is, it is always to put you in your place. The place of the child. The place of the underling. You feel like they are treating you like a child.
Sometimes these toxic moments can cut us so deeply we almost literally feel it within. And really, we do feel it within our hearts because our hearts and minds respond on some level to all external stimuli. Breaking free of the tribal mindset of comparison is critical for your (and their) next steps toward self-acceptance, self-love and healing.
Clue #3 Accusation (Where Anger is Often the Result)
When we leave a toxic conversation, hang up the phone, go back home, or get in our cars, we find we could have said something different or should have responded with such-n-such come-back phrase. If it is really toxic, they may have become angry with us for not listening to them, heeding their advice.
We also become angry; angry at them for projecting onto us, and angry at ourselves for not defending ourselves from their unwanted advice which heaps on further negativity. Instead, they insist on telling us what is wrong with us ad nauseum. This anger is the outcome of the projections (on both sides).
Can you sense the almost palpable feeling of either nausea, disgust or helplessness when feeling their projections? Energy is palpable. Negative energy is harmfully palpable. Enduring this type of environment can make our ever-observant inner child feel fearful and abandoned.
Going deeper into feelings, all feelings are derived from four core states of feeling. To break through the confusion and to help you identify and be clear about how you are feeling or understand where someone else is coming from in their feeling state, it is helpful to know the core feeling. Knowing the core feeling within ourselves, we are then able to communicate more clearly.
Recognizing a Toxic Individual - Masks of All Shapes & Sizes
We all wear masks from time to time; however, some are such excellent game players and disguisers others cannot see behind their mask. We have either seen people wearing one or all these masks.
Often, especially in narcissists, they interchange their masks like a chameleon.
Natural empaths or clairsentients can sense or feel the truth that lies behind their masks; however, for those who cannot sense as easily here are some identifiers.
Remember, while discovering these counterfeit camouflaging clues, all masks are clues and our own mirrors.
You spot it, you got it!
The Bravado Mask - The Warrior's Shadow - These individuals claim to be honorable and truthful to the core. They might be the model parent, coworker, spouse in public, or philanthropist. They are all about being the "warrior." Unfortunately, the inner warrior archetype has run amuck, and really, they are miserable inside. It is all a cover for a lot of inner pain, rage and anger making them walking time bombs. A walking time bomb can manufacture incidents where they can vent their frustration and rage albeit inappropriately, ultimately they must find an outlet or they will burst. You can sense this easily by imaging how they would respond if you told them Your Truth. Could you do this easily? Could you really and truly share deep truths from within to them? How would they respond? Could you trust the relationship to be completely supporting and nurturing? If not, then you have recognized the Bravado Mask!
The Two-Faced or Two-Sided Mask - The Magician's Shadow- These individuals talk out both sides of their mouths. Meaning, they say one thing to one person and another to another... about the same belief. How do you know you are in the company of a person wearing this mask? If you sit back quietly and listen to their conversation with others they may suddenly appear phony or give out a different version of the story they just told you the other day, embellishing or tweaking it to suit present company. Physically, their behavior leaves an indelible, sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach. Plus, you may find them negatively talking about others often. You may begin asking yourself this question, "Gee, if s/he talks about so-and-so like this, I wonder what s/he says about ME when I'm gone!" This is a huge clue. And now, you are beginning to act upon your intuition, recognizing something is not kosher or copacetic with this person. Excellent, you have found the Two-Faced Mask!
The Perfection Mask - The King/Queen's Shadow- You will find this mask on someone who appears to know-it-all. They are the authority on life. They are perfect in every way and let you know it. They tell you all about themselves, they give you unwarranted and un requested advice, and they do it unsolicited. You may even hear them announce they Are Perfect and Have No Flaws. What tools do they use to control their reality? They try and guilt or shame you into submission, finding the tiniest speck of flaw to pull on, like a loose thread on a knit sweater, they will tug and pull until they have nearly unraveled you. Truly, these actions reflect a deep, inner pain of self-loathing buried so deeply they cannot consciously tap it. If you find yourself avoiding wanting to share private, personal information with a Perfectionist, then... Congratulations, you have identified the Perfection Mask!
The Helpless Victim Mask - The Child/Lover's Shadow- These people are the ones who run around like Chicken Little acting like their world is caving in on them. Everyone is out to get them. You may hear "there is no end to my suffering" types of statements. Or, "I cannot seem to get ahead [in life, at my job, with my love life, etc.]" from them. For many these experiences come in waves of frustration for once they seem to get their proverbial "poop in a group" the bottom falls out, the rug gets pulled out from underneath them, and the other shoe drops.
So many times they have emergencies of great importance. If you look around and see who is helping them in this their newest crisis you may find that you are the only one there. Why? Because (perhaps) the rest of their friends have figured out this not-so-mellow-drama of theirs and do not wish to perpetuate another one. The Helpless Victim's attitude is as if they are waiting for the other shoe to drop, the sky to fall, and so forth... believe me this is exactly what they will experience. The bottom line with these folks is that you feel like you have to help them and that you are the only one who can. You might feel suddenly responsible for their emotional health and well-being.
If you can dislodge yourself from their embrace long enough you can begin to see how the conversation always centered on them. They rarely cared about you and your emotional needs. And they subtly coerced situations to their advantage (often at others' expense). Sometimes these symptoms are difficult to detect in a Helpless Victim because we can get so caught up in their drama we adopt it as our own. If our ego is pumped up enough we will think we are "saving them" and "helping them as the shiny knight on the white horse." In truth, we are falling into a dangerous trap and ultimately not assisting anyone's mental health and inner spiritual growth. An experienced ear can detect the woe cry of a Helpless Victim and reach a level of compassion but the road to get to that point can be difficult. If you find you are afraid to hurt their feelings by saying "No" to them?... Congratulations, you have identified the Helpless Victim Mask!
Mental Abuse - Secret's Secret Secret
Mental Abuse. This subject is quite sensitive for a few reasons. First, not many are willing to categorize degrees and levels of mental manipulation as abuse.
You will find from some violently abused victims a belief that mental abuse doesn't qualify because no one got hurt physically or no act of sexual abuse was committed. No act of physical violence was committed, i.e., no bruises were visible and/or no broken limbs were found. It is very difficult to prove this type of abuse to the police after hurriedly dialing 911 after yet another verbally violent argument with your spouse.
For the longest time, mental abuse was pushed in the background in lieu of the violence and extreme negative behaviors associated with sexual and physical abuse. It seems domestic violence issues were of greater concern at the time and police were dispatched regularly to questionable homes to investigate. Yet, hundreds of thousands of men, women and children endure silent abuse every single day and no one does a thing about it. It is still abuse though just better hidden.
However, valid and identifiable, mental abuse is probably one of the most hidden secrets in regards to what constitutes abuse. And it is making its way into the spotlight as a way for people to recognize abuse, even without physical proof. Victims feel they are crazy or mad because they cannot find a way out of a situation that feels controlled; they have a great amount of fear and anxiety from their mate, boss, parent, etc. as well.
What about the physically abused? What do they think? Why do some disregard mental/emotional abuse as being valid? They have been so horribly abused physically their own mental health has been compromised thus they have less capability in recognizing even the slightest mark of mental/emotional abuse and to them, these derisive comments or slurs are normal and 'no big deal.' However, recognizing you are in a toxic relationship is critical and toxic individuals will don any of the above referenced masks and often apply one of the following mental and emotional abusive phrases:
Mental Abuse Identifiers
When you are in a mentally abusive relationship your spouse, parent, or partner will use name calling and derisive comments as a way to demean you. You may hear:
If you find your spouse, parent, or significant other manipulating you with fear-inducing threats, you may hear statements like:
If you feel you have compromised yourself, your ideals, dreams, goals and visions, your standards and morals and are afraid to speak your truth, then you may be the victim of mental/emotional abuse. Your self-esteem is at stake here. And they will take your energy, destroy your self-image, and demoralize you.
When we love ourselves more we will not allow abuses to occur.
The Shame and Blame Game - Pick a card, any card
Shame vs. Guilt - The Tools in the War of the Roses
Echoing the theme of the dark side of the masculine and feminine, let’s look at a Warren Adler film, The War of Roses. In The War of Roses, a wealthy couple uses two prime types of power to manipulate and sabotage their seemingly idyllic lives ending in a bitter divorce. That powerful tale expertly expresses the dark shadows or saboteur aspects of our inner masculine and feminine. The two main tools used in the story are shame and guilt. *
Often in our very own lives, we fall back on these two tools as our go-to weapons of destruction, either consciously or subconsciously. Recognizing where they originate from within ourselves provides a depth of empowerment through understanding. It also helps us identify these malicious weapons with a conscious ear of awareness. It enables us to navigate through our lives with purpose, outstanding balance and mastered power. *
The Difference Between Guilt and Shame
Based on the research I have done and the research of others around guilt and shame, following is an understanding of the simple components of each. What is the difference between guilt and shame? Imagine you have two playing cards laid before you:
- The Guilt Card ~ Represents what you do (Actions, Masculine, Yang)
- The Shame Card ~ Represents who you are (Being, Feminine, Yin)
In the game of life, if you are dealt the guilt card, you find ways to feel bad about what you have done in life. These often-unconscious choices can affect your world significantly. You are suffering the consequences of something you did wrong. Guilt is about the outcome of those choices you have made in life.
If you are dealt the shame card, you find ways to feel bad about who you are. This occurs when you truly believe that you are an innately bad person who does horrible things. Shame is about self-judgment regarding who you think you are, based on your choices in life. Note that it is possible to deal either the shame or guilt card to yourself or give it to someone else. *
*For more in depth study and exercises on shame vs. guilt, please read
Happily Inner After: A Guide to Getting and Keeping Your Knight in Shining Amour by Deidre Madsen
Mask's Off! Take Back Your Power!
Once you have reached the point of (1) identifying toxic relationships, (2) picked out specific mask-wearing individuals in your life, and (3) (ruling out the obvious physical abuses) identifying some of the subtleties hidden in unpleasant mental/emotional abuse, now you are ready to take back your power.
Q. What? I'm not sure about this? I don't want to rock the boat or cause disruptions in my family's home. Besides, my grandma was abused by her husband, but she kept quiet for the sake of our family!
Don't fall into the River of Denial!
Sometimes becoming accustomed to toxicity can lead to false security and false comfort. You become comfortably numb. Your fears are valid to you of course and it is difficult conveying them to others.
You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome which is worth checking out as it is where the abused falls in love with their abusor as a sort of self protection safety measure. Your fears are valid, however, as it is not easy taking a stand for yourself. Even now you may be talking yourself out of doing anything to change your reality. You want to go back to where things were before, kind of safe, kind of okay, you can deal with the trauma and toxicity in your own way, right or wrong. Okay. Then if that is your choice... that is your choice. No hard feelings. If, however, your curiosity is piqued and if there is a hurt little inner child within screaming "NO! Keep reading!", please read on.
Denial is a tough one. Why, when things were going so well, would I mention denial now? In this case, denial is when we refuse to be open to the possibility of problems (opportunities) in our lives. When we are in denial we really feel that the other person is at fault and they are the cause of our pain and suffering, e.g., "If only so-and-so would stop drinking, stop smoking, stop screaming, stop beating me... then my life would be great." Granted, it sure looks like it's them, sure feels like it's their fists in our face and their high-pitched voice screaming in our ears, but really, it's not. It is us. If others tend to walking all over you or use you as their Door Mat or Punching Bag, then I dare say you are allowing all of it to happen. And that can be a tough pill to swallow.
In order to take back our power we must let go of our own masks! If we don't... we will end up wearing the Helpless Victim mask ourselves.
Real-Time Assessment - Our Personal Event Horizon
Real-time assessment of our own "stuff" is critical in taking back our personal power and moving forward into encompassing compassion. Recognizing/identifying our own masks we now recapitulate our life and safely observe from an external space, our own event horizon.
EXERCISE #1 Get a large sheet of paper, draw a timeline and mark | with dates/years of each major event throughout your life preferably in chronological order. You will relive and remember both happy and unpleasant moments in your life you though you had forgotten. This exercise jogs your memory and at once reminds you of the pleasures you found within even some of the darkest of relationships. You will you will also discover a timeline filled with God's blessings that had been helping you along the way. This exercise will assist you in identifying how you yourself have donned one or more of the above-mentioned masks and perpetuated its existence in your relationships.
Face in the Mirror- Face the Music
This exercise works so well it helps reveal your deepest and darkest of all secrets. When you Face the Music of your life, your symphony may sound like a cacophony of dissonant chords... or... it may sound like the sweet music of the spheres of Light.
EXERCISE #2 Now is the hour where you face the next choice, to judge yourself or not. If you choose to judge your past actions you will fall back into mask wearing and lose your sense of authenticity. If you wish to go the other direction and not judge your past actions then you may be looking at ways to forgive yourself. Stop and pray. Ask for forgiveness from yourself to yourself. Talk to your body if there was physical manipulation or abuse and let your body know how much you really do love it and wish to be whole again. Show your inner child how much you really do love him/her by hugging yourself, visualizing you and your inner child together giving comfort and support to them. Now would be a great time to begin any number of physical alternative therapies such as massage, reflexology of the hands and/or feet, jin shin jyutsu, and reiki to name a few.
Understand that forgiving your past means you are allowing yourself to heal. Forgiving something that you were unaware of, a way of living, a better paradigm of life, a better way to love or be love. You simply did not know.
Q. What if I did know better and still chose poorly?
Sometimes these can be real blocks in our spiritual growth. If we do something we know we should not have done and several years later still feel terrible about it... we have been beating ourselves up for far too long and need to really let go of these old experiences. Remember we should show and tell ourselves how much we still love ourselves no matter what happened in the past. This way cellular memories are being shown love... and forgiveness can commence.
Are We Victims or Volunteers?
In order to be authentic we must take responsibility for every single event in our lives. And yes, I mean every one including when we were infants and children. When we forgive ourselves and others we are telling the Universe that we are taking back our responsibility 100%. That is what the forgiveness aspect of healing is all about.
Get Me Off This Karmic Hamster Wheel!
Squeak, squeak, squeak. When you are ready to embrace your new you and forgive your past you are ready to embrace your Authentic Self. Get me off this roller coaster! Getting off the Karmic Wheel of Life is as easy as choosing to do so.
Choose to not participate anymore in other's dramas
Choose to not create more dramas yourself
Choose to live in a way that pleases you on all levels of your being
Q. Why do we mentally and emotionally hurt others?
Because we all hurt inside. We adopt this behavior from our childhood's response to our world of possibly abusive parents who themselves were living in fear and inner pain and turmoil. We are here to break this unhealthy cyclical program.
Being My Authentic Self
What does it mean to be my authentic self? Being authentic represents the realness of who you are, the core you, the deepest aspects of you coming to the fore.
Have you been denying your Authentic Self? Have you denied who you are and/or allowed others to dictate to you who you must be? This is what many of us face and again I say it is time to forgive yourself for not being true to you. It is okay. You are reading this (and hopefully other helpful/supporting material) and are ready to take back your autonomy... your self.
How to reclaim your Authentic Self. Your dreams and visions of long ago, the ones that have stuck with you through thick and thin, are a part of your authentic self. This is the area where, as you recapitulate your life in Exercise #2 (above), you will discover a pattern and a beautiful picture of who you are will come forward to greet you... Your Authentic Self.
If you recognize those closest to you that balk at your 'becoming authentic', there is a high probability that what you are projecting forth is your Authentic Self. We do not have to be boxed in to a way of being here on this 3D Earth. We can go outside of the box and explore the big ?????'s beyond... the great unknown, the mystery. It can be safe. It can be fun! Far more fun and adventuresome wouldn't you say?
Being authentic, your authentic actions could threaten some who respond by becoming uncomfortable and may try to change you back into what they feel you should be. Recognize you are mirroring to them how they must themselves be... Authentic! We are all teachers and students. This leads me to my next tip...
Unhealthy Minds Think Alike (Separate the Wheat from the Chaff)
When you are really doing it, becoming authentic you may discover the mask-wearers like to ban together in groups to support one another's distorted, unhealthy (games) realities carefully crafted to meet their comfort level in life; even to the point of dishonoring their closest family relations in order to preserve and maintain their façade.
With any change comes upheaval and until things settle down... be prepared that your choices may upset the ole' apple cart.
When we grow strong enough inside we can break free of their control over our lives. We can ourselves become free. When you begin to take back your life, you will find very few will come to your side for support, choosing rather to stay in the comfort zone no matter the consequences. I myself lost dear friends and family members along the way, but these too have been replaced with wonderful friends (my spiritual family, my Ammi Shaddai) who support me in every way and understand the importance of integrity to self. In this way you are not only creating a balanced support system, you are now beginning to understand the importance of going beyond unhealthy relationships; you transcend the lower 3D relationships and move into more healthy higher and more divine relationships recognizing the need for these to replace the lower thought form paradigm of the need for physical bonding with parents and loved ones, etc.
As we move into a more divine state of being ourselves we then recognize those around us that carry like resonance and the ones that carry lower resonance will no longer be attracted to our vibration and will naturally gravitate to those of like vibration, i.e., the Universal Law: Like attracts like.
Be thankful for this universal law for in it you will find your soul grouping, soul family, or spiritual family; a welcomed change from those that wish to dominate you and bend you into the lower belief system of "family module" or tribal mindset.
Healing's Next Step
Congratulations on braving it out and being true to your authentic self! We are now faced with the real possibility that our choices of supporting ourselves for the first time, in lieu of supporting those that wish to hurt us intentionally (or not), have left us in a different state, i.e., we may now have no family, spouse, children, and/or friends. Do not be alarmed, let us now look at it differently. Instead of looking at the cup half empty, how about looking at the cup half full and we are filled with possibilities...
Surround yourself with goodness and light. - Deidre Madsen
Now... in our cup of life there is room for Light and Love, Harmony and Compassion, without compromise; for in the Light of Love, compromise is not considered, it is a no-thing. It is at this moment where we should take stock in what IS there as opposed to what IS NOT there anymore. If you have to, make a list of positives; insist on seeing the good that your choices have created and changed. We will also want to surround ourselves with those that are helpful... not harmful... to our path. Saying "No" to someone whom you know has a hurtful, abusive agenda will self-empower you. And, your inner child will finally begin to trust your actions, choices and decisions.
The Way of the Compassionate Healer
When you are inwardly empty and quiet, while outwardly detached from perception, you naturally attain penetrating experience of monminding, which means that even if everything happens at once, that cannot disturb your spirit, and even though all kinds of troubles face you, that does not affect your thoughts." - Zen Essence, The Science of Freedom
"Holy love is the only true love. There is no love the same or better for you than your own love." - The Psychic Children Speak to the World, by James F. Twyman
When looking at transcending the lower ways of being vs. the higher mind and heart, we can look at what we have experienced as "our past" and view it in a different Light altogether.
We can forgive our ancestors, our lineage, our past, our children, our parents and siblings, our ex-spouses and current ones, our old friends and foes and come to one single point... time to forgive it all. At this point, we realize that no thing really matters except our connection with God/dess/All That Is. That is the still small voice within and outside of that there is nothing left between us and Source.
Once here in this moment, we realize that after everything, nothing really matters but this anyway. It took a long road to get here but wow it was worth it. And so here we are in this moment ready to embrace Love Divine and realizing we had to let go of everything to get it.
Some things we may never experience again but when we put it all in the hands of the Divine Light, it really doesn't matter anyway in the end. For there is no stronger love than the love we feel from our Divine Father/Mother Abba.
Now here in this moment, we recognize we too can be a catalyst for others to heal themselves and their lineages. How profound a revelation. We can be wayshowers and lights to others helping them find their way in the dark. And all we had to do was forgive and have compassion.
Let go and Love. Forgive them and yourself.
Q. If we are so "Loving" why can't we mend past relationships?
It is not up to us to lead other's lives. We must only lead our own and if others wish to be with us and join us along the way, then it will be so. If they wish to join with others along their path, it will be so. We cannot claim those around us to be with us. We can only claim our birthright with our true Source Creator. That is all.
We can, however, hold these past relationships in our hearts and keep them in our prayers, continually in forgiveness mode. And whatever path they are on, it is all in the Divine Plan. And through it all you find you have not only shed toxic waste from your life, but by really letting go... you've shed a few unwanted pounds along the way!
We can transcend our inner hurts and heal ourselves, in turn we heal our lineage.
We Are Our Brother's Keeper: Healing With Grace
What does this mean? We are our brother's keeper. Well, in my assessment it means we are responsible for our brothers and sisters well-being in that if we do not we are not being authentic to yourself and as we heal within, we heal our surrounding relationships. This is more like a Tao tenet or Zen-ist interpretation.
Good walking, leaves no track behind it;
Good speech leaves no mark to be picked at;
Good calculation makes no use of bolt and bar,
And yet nobody can undo it;
Good tying makes no use of rope and knot,
And yet nobody can untie it.
Hence, the Sage is always good at saving men,
And therefore nobody is abandoned;
Always good at saving things,
And therefore nothing is wasted.
This is called "Following the guidance of the Inner Light."
Hence, good men are teachers of bad men,
While bad men are the charge of good men.
Not to revere one's teacher,
Not to cherish one's charge,
Is to be on the wrong road, however intelligent one may be.
This is an essential tenet of the Tao.
- Lao Tzu, Tao Teh Ching
Can you see we have to do all this wonderful inner work but do it with grace. I have not been very good at that because I responded with fear to so many of my own obstacles. You can learn from my mistakes and see that it can be all done in a smooth and gentle way.
"When you are inwardly empty and quiet, while outwardly detached from perception, you naturally attrain penetrating experience of non-minding, which means that even if everything happens at once, that cannot disturb your spirit, and even though all kinds of troubles face you, that does not affect your thoughts." - Zen Master Yuan-Wu, Linji master, the Pi Yen Lu (English: Blue Cliff Record; Japanese: Hekiganroku) is a collection of zen koans compiled by the Song dynasty Ch'an master Hsueh tou Ch'ung Hsien (980 - 1052).
Be in the world, not of it. - Jesus Christ
Making it Personal:
Eat to Live in Lieu of Live to Eat
How do we incorporate these tenets into our personal healing experience? We vibrate more holistically now as we have become more authentic to our true divine nature and will then automatically begin to heal those that are closest to us for we ourselves see them with compassion and in that moment we heal our very natures and theirs within us.
I may have bumbled through my own family and friends and have done a less-than-adequate job of patching things up but I have done the majority of the work. Perhaps it is my mission to heal this way and show others a better way not through me but through themselves and their own higher divine missions here on earth. For if we all go by just one person's way, it no longer becomes autonomy of soul and spirit it becomes their dream and vision. We are not here to experience life through someone else's eyes, but our own sovereign soul.
The enigma of forgiveness and redemption exists in that the follower of Light or seeker of Light comes forward and embraces the Light's glow wholeheartedly (surrenders to it) and all else fades away. It is our own personal divine experience with the Light that moves us to our own personal ascension path. When we grow in the Light so also do our brothers and sisters of humanity for we are all one.
Weight loss or weight lost is the weight lifted from our being. We become lighter with every breath we take that is not affected by our need for attaching ourselves to another's pain or trauma. We grow in our unaffected and pure light. And we switch from 'living to eat' to 'eating to live' and watch those last 10+ pounds disappear. Pure miracles!
Blessed Be In Service and Love and True Light,